Damn it!
by Clarisse598
Summary: Reid has a bad experience with elevators. But after fainting in an Elevator in front of his team, his opinion changes about them. Reid is sick and tries to hide it- without success ...
1. A bad day

**Damn it! **

**Hey! So here is my first fanfic, I haven't written anything like that before, so please be nice! :) **** Probably I will write a lot fanfics with reid-centric, because I like our young genius to suffer a lot – don't ask why xD- but maybe my mind is changin' soon… ;)**

**Enough from me, here's my first chapter and yeah…-ENJOY! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal minds, its characters or its storylines. -What a pity, isn't it?**

Reid really did not like elevators at all. It's not like he was afraid because of the small space or something like that. He never had problems with small spaces before; it's more like he got a bad feeling everytime when he had to take the elevator. This weird, bad feeling started after the little „accident" (the team discribed it as a funny situation) with Morgan. Because of his eidetic memory, he remembered everything single second when they were in there.

_The elevator got stuck and Morgan started bouncing…_

_He: "Dont do that!"_

_Morgan: "Where is the hole?" _

_He: "I don't know."_

_Morgan started pushing the button…_

_He: "Don't! Stop it, don't!"_

_Morgan: "What, what's the problem?"_

_Morgan continued pushing the buttons…_

_He: "Don't do that!"_

_Morgan: "Why?"_

_He: _" '_Cause there are six elevator related deaths per year not to mention 10000 injuries that require hospitalizations, chill out!" _

_Morgan: "Sounds like pretty good odds to me, what are you scared?"_

_He:"I'm not scared I don't want to be in an elevator with you to be honest!"_

_Elevator drops…_

_Morgan: "Whoa, whoa, okay!"_

_He: "Uh, hit the (pushed alarm)"_

_Alarm went off_

_He: "Push it!"_

_Morgan:"I'm – push, pull, push, pull –I'm doing it, nothing is happening!"_

_He:"Pry, pry the, pry the door open!"_

_Morgan: (Trying to pry the door open)"It's stuck, man!"_

_Morgan: (falls)"No, no, no, not today, no, not today!"_

_He: (squeaks)"Hotch."_

_Morgan: (screams)"Hotch!"_

_Elevator finally opened…_

_Hotch:"Was that the alarm? Are you guys okay?"_

_He: (still shaking)"I'll get back to you on that."_

_Hotch, Reid, Morgan walked down the hall…_

_He: "Whoo!"_

Afterwards, whenever he was thinking of it –that means every time he was facing the metallic doors- he thought that he should have been more cautious. The building where it took place looked very old from the outside. He should have considered that, because then he would have not taken the elevator, just the stairs like Hotch did. He remembered how scared he was. He thought his life was going to be finished in this moment! This was not as funny as the team thought it was! 

XXX

The day started like each other. Dr. Spencer Reid woke up at 7.00. He felt tired like every other morning. But something had changed. He felt very, very tired and his head started throbbing! His stomach ached and he froze._"_Oh no! This can't be serious! You are never sick! Don't sit here, c'mon, get yourself in the shower and go to work. You haven't got the time to sit here and do nothing! Your team needs you!"Spencer thought angrily as he stood up. Finally standing the world around him started spinning. He felt dizzy and nauseous. He only had the time to think "Damn it!"before he was running fast to the toilet and started vomiting. When he was finished he sat down on the cold floor of the bathroom."Great! What now?", he asked himself sarcastically. Staying at home wasn't a good possibility, the others would be worried and that was nothing he wanted to experience. He was an adult, he was able to handle with his problems on his own! So he decided to go to work an hide his sickness. Probably not the best way but better than staying at home and wake the attention of his team. He was good at lying and hiding things, he did this very often, so one more time of lying doesn't matter at all. After discussing with himself Reid finally stood up and got himself into the shower. The cold water felt amazing on his hot skin, even though it made his shivering worse than before. Feeling cold but happy he got out of the shower and got himself dressed. While he was looking on his watch, his face turned pale. "Oh shit! It's almost 8 o'clock! You're running late! Hurry up! , Spencer thought hysterical." He took his badge, gun and his jacket and ran out of his apartment.

At 8.45 he arrived at the building oft he BAU."You're just 15 minutes late, maybe the team didn't realize your missing 'til now he thought hopefully. As he entered the frontdoors nervously, he felt cold and dizzy again."Can the day gets worse?", he asked himself sarcastically. Apparently it can, because right after finishing these thoughts he bummed right into his boss Hotch."Reid you are 15 minutes late I hope you have a certain reason for that" he asked him sternly with a serious look on his face. "I'm Sorry Hotch, first of all I woke up 10 minutes late, but after running fast to my train station I calculated that I was 6 minutes late there, but then the train was 3 minutes late – that really is a miracle, because statistically it's 7 to 9 minutes late per year and- "Just don't let it happen again Reid" Hotch interrupted him."Yes Sir" Spencer answered shyly. When he arrived at his desk happily he sat down quickly, because he felt very, very dizzy and nauseous, not to mention the headach which was now overwhelming painful. Concentrating was very hard for him but never the less the day had just began and there were many files waiting for him. Although his vision was blurred and he wasn't able to understand the words written on that blending white paper he gave his best to hide his fellings. He didn't realized that his best friend Morgan was talking to him until he waved his hand in front of his eyes."Hey pretty boy, I've been trying to talk to you for at least 3 minutes! Are you okay?" he asked with a slight worried tone in his voice."I'm fine." Reid answered automatically. This sentence just flew out of his mouth immediately, he had no control about it anymore."Sure you are." Morgan answered with a bit sarcasm. He didn't like the fact that Spencer was pale, just like the same colour as the sheet of paper in front of him and that he started to massage his skull again- a sign for headaches. But Morgan decided not to push the point, because the boy felt obviously uncomfortable.

Trough the whole day, Reid was having problems with hiding his sickness. He drank no! coffee, ate nothing because he was scared of vomiting again and his skin colour changed from normal to pale to pale with red cheeks and mattered hair on his forehead. Apparently his headaches were able to get worse because his skull felt like it was going to explode. Reid just wanted to rub his hair out and start screaming but he did nothing. Finally it was 6 o'clock in the evening so he started to pack his things. Standing up was very hard for him as well, 'cause everytime his world started spinning again and he needed a couple of minutes to regain his focus. But that didn't matter to him at all, he just wanted to be home, take some pills and lose himself in sleep."Are you coming Spence?" JJ asked while heading out to the doors and then to the elevators."Yeah, I'm comin'." he said quietly, almost like a whisper. Many loud words were hurting his head. "Go Spencer, you almost made it! Just go into the elevator and than you're done." he kept mumbling to himself . He made it to the elevators without any problems. Unfortunately the whole team was in the elevator."Great!" Reid thought. After having finished his thought everything went wrong.

When the metallic doors of the elevators closed, Reid felt really dizzy because of the sudden movement. His hand –shaking of course- tried to find hold on the walls of the elevators. Reids vision started blurring, his surroundings tilting, his body had enough! All he wanted to have is sleep. No more hiding. Reid started shaking violently, his focus completely gone. He heard soft voices calling his name, but he couldn't hold it anymore. His knees gave in and he fell to the ground."Damn it! Now they know." Reid thought sadly and angrily. These were his last thoughts before the welcoming darkness came over him and he lost consciousness.

Now he really hated elevators…

TBC

**So that was my first chapter :) **** What do you think? I'm eager to read your reviews. Hopefully it was not that bad and I look forward to hearing from you all!**

***I reaallly love smileys! ***** :) :) :)**


	2. Dreaming

Dreaming

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal minds, its characters or its storylines, unfortunately… **

**SPOILER for season eight, I've got Maeve in this chapter so if you don't know her yet – you're warned. **

"I think we dream so we don't have to be apart for so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can be together all the time."

― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

_A soft voice surrounded him."Spencer wake up." Slowly Reids eyes forced themselves open. He was in a park. Everything was colourful. The flowers around him were brightly, red, yellow, blue, every colour he can imagine. It was beautiful. A large fountain was 10 meters to his right. Ice blue water was jumping in every direction-amazing! Right next to the fountain was a woman. She had curly dark hair and looked amazing. She wore normal black trousers, a white blouse an a purple sweater. Reid recocnized her immediately."Maeve? Is it you?" he asked nervously. "Yes of course I am." She answered with a huge smile."But you have been shot and… by the way where are we?" he stuttered back. "I miss you." he said sadly, tears started to form in the corner of his eyes. "I know. I miss you too. I know I'm dead Spencer, but that is actually the reason why I'm here. This is your world, created in your incredible mind." she whispered softly."This is not real?" Reid asked a bit shocked."How, when I died long time ago? Come closer." Maeve gestured with her hand to Reid. He immediately followed her instructions. While he came closer, he noticed that she was just a shadow. It was impossible to touch her. She was so close but far away, again. This made him feel upset."It's ok Spencer. You don't have to be strong here, it's just me now." she chuckled. "I know. Now his tears he was holding back the entire time were coming fluently."Look into the water Spencer. What do you see?" Maeve asked curiously. Reid looked into the water. "I see my team, Hotch, Rossi, JJ, Blake, Garcia and Morgan, everybody is there. Why are they lookin' so sad?" It didn't need a profiler to see their concern. Garcia was crying, black mascara covering here face, her eyes were red and puffy. Morgan was next to her with a hand on her shoulder to comfort her. He looked sad as well, but there was another look on his face. Is he blaming himself? For what? Next to him stood JJ. She was also crying and her hand was covering her mouth, she looked shocked. Hotch, Blake and Rossi didn't show their emotions like the girls and Morgan did but looking deeper and having experience with their way to deal with hard situations Reid saw a worried look in their faces. Seriously what has happened? Reid guessed that they were in a hospital room. He knew this building very well, he was there multiple times. "You know why they are upset, don't you?" Maeve asked."Yes. I remember everything. I felt sick and I fainted in the elevator and – yeah…." "You're right. Now you know so I ask you: Which decision will you make? Stayin' with me here in the park having a picknick and enjoy time with me or going back in a world full of pain but at the side of your team?" Maeve asked sternly but with a small smile."That's not fair Maeve!, Reid cried, I love you, I don't want to leave you but my team needs me and my intelligence!" "I know how hard this is but you need to choose, time is running out. However you choose, I'm with you and I love you with all of my heart." She whispered, smiling."I'm going back to my team but not now. I wanna stay with you just a little bit, I'm not going to leave you immediately. There is no need." "That is the right choice, Spencer and I'm happy that you're staying a while. Lets have a walk!" she offered."That would be great!" Reid said happily. Together they left the fountain and went right into the field of flowers… _

The last two hours were horrifying for Morgan. He has been watching his best friend the whole day. He knew something was bothering the boy, but he couldn't force him to tell him the truth. Why the hell was he hiding that he was sick? He was his best friend, he knew that he could tell him anything! "Do you know what's bothering Reid?" Blake asked."I don't know. He's never telling his feelings to anybody of us, although he knows that he can." Morgan told her."Maybe talking helps. I can talk to him if you want to." JJ offered."No, no it's ok JJ. I'm going to talk to him tomorrow." Morgan answered.

Unfortunately he haven't had time for that. It happened in the elevator. His best friend passed out right in front of him! Morgan froze when he saw his best friend lying on the cold floor of the elevator. Immediately he rushed to him."Reid, can you hear me? REID!" Morgan started shaking his best friends shoulder. No reaction."Reid come on man! Wake up!" Morgan shouted furiously."Morgan calm down, JJ call the ambulance." the stern voice of his boss instructed. Morgan felt hands on his shoulders pulling him softly away from his friend. He just wanted to offend the person who was pulling him back but then he saw Garcia in the corner. She was crying violently, her eyes were getting red and both of her hands were covering her mouth – she was obviously shocked. He went to her and embraced her in a lovely hug."It's okay baby girl. He is strong and a fighter. He'll get trough this."he whispered to comfort her. "I know, but it's always my little genius who gets in situations like this." she cried back." Before Morgan could answer the doors of the elevators opened and paramedics were waiting for them to get out and give space that they can take care of their patient."Pulse?" "Strong and steady." "Blood pressure?" The rest they said sounded strange to Morgan, he couldn't understand their meanings. But he wasn't a doctor, he was a federal agent! He was there to protect and safe people and the paramedics were there to help his best friend! "Who wants to drive with him?" one oft he paramedics asked."I will." Morgan answered without leaving space for anybody else to offer to ride along with Reid."Ok, we meet at the hospital." the voice of his boss said, but Morgan barely listened to them. He jumped into the ambulance and they moved off.

Hotch hated waiting rooms. Either because the chairs in there were uncomfortable (like the whole architecture) or because of the waiting itself. Maybe a mix of both. He hated not knowing things. While waiting three doctors came in to give information to families who are eager to hear good news. The first doctor told a couple that their son suffered two broken legs but he will make a full recovery; the second doctor told an old wife that her husband had a heart attack and they were not able to fix it, he died; and the third doctor said to four teenagers that their friend had a car accident and died because of blood loss. Yes he hated the waiting area. In these rooms you got information which could change your life forever and the view about different things. Your life will go on with or without your beloved friend or family member.

He watched his team. They were sad – of course- and everybody had his own way to deal with the given situation. Garcia and JJ were hugging and trying to comfort themselves with hope. Rossi and Blake were good in hiding their emotions. They didn't look as sad as the others but (with a closer look) he could see worry in their faces. Morgan was running circles since they arrived, face looking to the ground. Obviously he was blaming himself. Hotch bet that Morgan was blaming himself because he thought it was his fault that Reid passed out one and a half hour ago. Hotch decided that he has to talk to him when they all know about Reids shape.

"Family of Spencer Reid?" a female doctor asked. "Yes, I am his brother" Hotch answered promtly. He knew the strict rules of hospitals. The nurses and doctors were just allowed to give information about patients only to their family members. So he was Reids brother. "Hello, I'm doctor Miller and I am responsible for the well-being of Dr. Spencer Reid." she said firmly. "How is he?" JJ asked nervously. "Well. Dr. Reid came in here with headaches, nausea including pain in his stomach, fever and dizziness. We have done some tests and the result revealed that Dr. Spencer Reid has a strong case of migraine caused by stress. We have given him some fluids to get his fever down and some aspirin against his headaches." the doctor gave back."When can you discharge him?" Hotch asked sternly. "When the fever is down and no more signs of sickness are given, we are able to discharge him tomorrow in the morning. You can see him now, but just half an hour he needs to rest." "Thanks doctor." Morgan said happily. He was lucky that nothing serious has happened to his best friend."If there are any more questions left you can ask me. I'm right here on the floor." Dr. Miller offered. Then she left; other patients were waiting for her. The whole team made their way to Reids room.

"_It's beautiful here" Reid told Maeve. They were sitting in a field of flowers. The sun was shining and Reid felt happy like never ever before. "I know. But I have to go soon. I just want to tell you, that you are not weak, Spencer, you are very strong. You have to trust your friends and tell them your problems, otherwise the stress will destroy you." Maeve said sternly."But I-; Well you see that-. I'll try. But don't leave me now! I enjoy being with you! I love you! You can't leave me alone!" Reid cried. "I have to go now. You too Spencer. Your friends are waiting for you." Maeve gave back. She smiled. "I love you and one day we will meet, but the time for that hasn't come yet." She leaned forward and kissed him."Good Bye…" Spencer closed his wet eyes. He felt soft warm lips on his. An amazing heat spread in his heart. While opening his eyes he noticed a few things at the same time. On the one hand Maeve was gone, she has left him alone again. On the other hand was the dramatic change of the weather. It was getting so cold, he started freezing and shivering. Suddenly a loud puff of wind was coming and the blossoms of the flowers flew away. The sky darkened harshly. All the nice flowers and beautiful things were gone completely. Even Maeve! "Maybe this place is reflecting my emotions." Reid thought sadly. Everything was gone. A darkness was surrounding him now. He closed his eyes, which are wet yet. He heard soft voices- voices he knew perfectly."He – waking up-." He couldn't understand them all, but he had the feeling that he will meet his friends soon." He tried to open his eyes. Without sucess. His eyelids were all of a sudden heavy like big stones! Or someone has glued them. He took a second try. This time it was better. His eyes were open…_

TBC

**So that was my second chapter! *party, party* I took Maeve in this chapter ´cause I like her and her relationship with Reid. *Soooo cute!* I know that this chapter was a bit different than the other (because of his dream and stuff like that) but next chapter there'll be more reality. I hope you liked it! Please review! The button below will be happy! **** (and of course me too xD) **


	3. Family

**Chapter 3 **

**Here is my third chapter! Thank you for the reviews! You make me feel happy ****! ENJOY and don't forget to review! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, its characters or its storylines. **

"You must remember, family is often born of blood, but it doesn't depend on blood. Nor is it exclusive of friendship. Family members can be your best friends, you know. And best friends, whether or not they are related to you, can be your family."

― Trenton Lee Stewart, The Mysterious Benedict Society

The first thing Reid was aware of was the brightness of the room he was in. He had to close his eyes once more, so they could adapt with the glaring light. While opening his eyes the third time he noticed a few other things in his surroundings. First of all the strange smell. It smelled sterile. Definitly. Secondly he was lying in a bed. A comforting white bed. A piercing white pillow an a piercing white blanket. Thirdly someone was holding his hand. It was a soft hand. The owner of the hand was apparently talking to him."So I have to be in a hospital. Your brilliant plan didn't work at all. Great!" Reid thought sarcastically."Reid? Come on answer me. How do you feel? This time truly please." Garcia asked nervously. "I'm fine. Really. Nothing serious." Reid gave back. "Really?" Morgan spat back with a lot of irony. "You mean hiding sickness and passing out in an elevator is nothing serious?!" Morgan almost shouted. "Why didn't you tell us that you were sick Reid?" Hotch said sternly. His voice didn't allow anymore lies. "I'm Sorry Hotch. I didn't mean to hide something. I just thought it was a fast case of a flu and the next day I'll be fine again. I'm very Sorry." Reid whispered embarrassed. "Next time you should tell us that you feel uncomfortable. We're here to help. You need to trust us more." "I was very worried Spence." JJ said sadly. "I'm Sorry. It won't happen again. I promise." "Good." Rossi said without any emotions. Rossi couldn't finish the next sentence, because he was interrupted by Blake. Reid was just about to get out of his bed and was searching for his clothes. "Reid what are you doing?" she laughed."I was about to get dressed and leave the hospital." he said innocently."You're not going anywere. You are allowed to leave the hospital tomorrow in the morning, not earlier- is that clear to you?" Hotch said firmly. It was more a rhetorical question. His face showed that he didn't allow breaking his instructions."Nice gown pretty boy." Morgan laughed. Now Reid realized that he was just wearing a hospital gown! His cheeks turned red and he layed back into the bed. Immediately he took the blanket and covered himself quickly. "Yes Sir. And thanks Morgan." He spat back angrily." "Trust me, I have seen worse." He gave back with a huge grin."I can't imagine so chocolate god of thunder." "How do you called me?" Morgan laughed, but his mouth was open from the shock."I called you chocolate god of thunder- or what about sugar shack, baby boy and super fox?" Reid said laughing." „Don't you dare calling me this way. Revenge is sweet Dr. Reid." Morgan said with a grin but slightly embarrassed. "We'll see." Reid said in a smooth way." "Just you wait" Morgan said. "Guys calm down. I think it's enough for Garcia." JJ chuckled. Obviously she was right. Garcias hands were covering her whole face. She was red like a tomato and she looked to the ground."You're not here, you're not here." she kept telling herself like a mantra. Now everybody started laughing- even Hotch smiled. "Apparently Reid is fine. We're goin' to leave now. We meet tomorrow at the BAU." Hotch said."Bye Reid. Be a good guy and take your medecine." Morgan said while leaving the room." "Bye guys." Reid said. He was happy that his team was there but he felt very tired now. All he wanted to do was sleeping and go to work tomorrow. He thought about Maeve. Has it been real? It was great to see and feel her – it didn't matter if it has been real or not.

JJ was happy that Reid was fine. She had been very worried. But now he was laughing again and playing jokes with Morgan. That was great! In front of the hospital she said goodbye to her team and drove back to her home. Will and Henry were waiting for her. Finally at home she was greeted by his little son Henry. "Mommy!" he shouted and run strictly into her arms to hug her. "Hey honey. I thought you were asleep already! Where is Daddy?" she asked while giving her little son a kiss."Daddy is in the living room. He made pizza!" the little boy laughed."Great honey! Then let's go to Daddy before he eats everything alone." JJ laughed. Immediately Henry ran into the living room to hug his Dad. "Daddy, Mommy is at home!" "I know Henry. Let's go into the kitchen and start eating!" Will smiled."Hey darling, how was work?" he asked her and gave her a kiss."Very stressfull, Spence fainted in the elevator but he's fine, tomorrow he is allowed to work again." "Sounds to me like he is a huge trouble magnet. I'm happy he is fine." "Mommy, Daddy are you coming? "Henry shouted from the kitchen."Yes darling." Will and JJ went into the kitchen and all together they ate the pizza.

It was a hard day for all of them. Hotch was lucky that Reid had nothing serious, although he didn't tell anyone that he felt sick. Maybe he should talk with Reid later about this topic. But first of all he had to talk with Morgan. Hotch waited 'til the rest of his team left the hospital."Morgan? We need to talk." he instructed. "Yeah Hotch?" Morgan asked with a slight nervous undertone."I want you to listen very carefully. I know that you are blaming yourself. You think it was your fault that Reid fainted and you think as well that you should have spoken with him with a bit more emphasis. I tell you to stop blaming yourself it was not your fault. It was Reids decision to hide his uncomfortable situation. Not yours. You tried to talk to him." Hotch said sternly."I know Hotch, but you know as well that he is not good in telling his problems to anyone of us. I am his best friend, I should comfort him or I should have tried harder to push him to tell me his problem." Morgan said sadly."You know that you can't force him to tell you something. It has to be his own decision. When he will ask for your help I'm sure you'll be there for him. But this step he has to do on his own." Hotch sad softly."Ok Hotch, you're right." "I'm glad you understood." Hotch said happily (as happy as it was possible for him)."Good night Hotch."Morgan said. "Good night Morgan. See ya tomorrow." Hotch answered. After finishing the urgent talk with Morgan, Hotch drove home. He just wanted to see his son. When his work was offering a very stressfull day he was happy to see his son again. He was so innocent and so happy everytime. He didn't has to face his worst nightmares daily like Hotch did. While opening the door he heard fast footsteps followed by his son who ran to him and hugged him."Hi Daddy! Wanna play hiding with Beth and me?" the little boy asked exited."I would love to do that Jack!" Hotch laughed. He was happy that his son loved Beth. Losing Haley was hard for both of them but know there was a light spark in the dark sky. Maybe they can reunion to a family again. Of course he'll never forget Haley, but life has to go on. He loved Beth and Jack needs a mother as well as a father. "I think I heard something in the kitchen Daddy! Come Daddy, I think Beth is hiding there! Let's surprise her!" Jack shouted eagerly. Together they went into the kitchen to find Beth.

Morgan was happy that the day was over. It has been a very hard one. Best friend fainting – waiting – talking with Hotch. He knew that he was right but it was hard nevertheless. Sleeping sounded pretty good now. But before enjoying the comforting pillow under his head he promised Garcia to bake with her. It was her way to deal with problems and he really liked her cakes and cupcakes. They were as sweet as her. „Hey sweet cheeks are you comin' or what?" Garcia shouted from her car. "I'm almost there Baby Girl!" Morgan shouted back while running to her car. At Garcia's apartment they started baking immediately. Morgan always felt the need to laugh and smile everytime when he was entering her home. All around were multicoloured stuff animals, hearts and a huge choice between stained, fleecy and patterned pencils and other decoration. It's like a colourbomb exploded and spread colour everywhere. But it was good the way it was – like an escape from the horror they had to face daily. He thought about the others of the team. Rossi would drink wine – probably a bit more than other days. He would enjoy his glass, would write some paragraphs for his new book and then he would go sleeping. Morgan couldn't understand how Rossi could find the time to be an author as well. He couldn't do that. Blake would probably talk with her husband before going to sleep as well. Hotch – yeah Hotch would try to find hold from his daily pressure in his son. JJ too. Although the whole team was like a family they were not able to process their job on their own. All members needed a family and friends to forget those horrible things…

**So chapter 3 is ready! I hope you enjoyed it! **** What do you think? Don't forget to push the button below and leave your thoughts and opinions about this here! I wrote a bit more about the team but next chapter there'll be more text from Reids point of view **** Thanks for reading! **


	4. Really healthy?

Chapter 4 – Really healthy?

**My fourth chapter is now happy to be published! I really love your reviews I am eager to go on writing! ENJOY! **

**Disclaimer: I am still not owning Criminal Minds, its storylines or its characters.**

"If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself."

― George Orwell, 1984

Reid woke up at 7.00. "My inner alarm clock never sleeps…" he thought tiredly. He felt a bit groggy and dizzy, his headach was now almost gone. "I see you are awake Dr. Reid. Dr. Miller is coming soon to bring the discharge papers that you can go to work." The nurse said a bit surprised. Reid just nodded. His throat felt a bit sore, he did not want to speak now. Finally the nurse left and he drank water. It felt very good, he never thought that water can be so satifiying."Good morning Dr. Reid, I hope you slept well." Dr. Miller said. "Yes doc, did you brought the papers with you?" Reid said a little bit nerved. He just wanted to go and do his job."Always in hurry, aren't you? I brought them with me you have to sign and then you are allowed to go." "Thanks doc. Bye." "Goodbye Dr. Reid. Remember that you should avoid stress and drink a lot." "I will doc." Reid sighed. After the doctor left the room Reid got himself dressed and he rushed to work. He didn't want to be late.

In front of the building Reid felt a bit dizzy again. His headach was starting to get stronger and steadier. "The doc said I'm okay! Apparently not. But maybe it is just the changover from my everyday-life… Yesterday I slept the whole day and today work. That's the reason! I'm sleeping a lot tonight and tomorrow I'll be fine." he instructed himself. It felt good to be at his real home with his family again. While standing in the elevator he got a strange feeling in his gut. "That is the place where the most embarrassing thing in my life has happened. This is never going to happen again!" The bullpen was how it always have been. A lot of people ran in every direction, calling or talking to others. Some people were making coffee, others were at their desk already working. Reid made his way to his desk. A large pile of files was waiting for him. He had the tallest pile. Apparently Morgan has given him some of his files. But he was not angry at all. He was the only person in the whole FBI-building (maybe in the whole state) who enjoyed doing paper work. Morgan used to call the files " bureaucratical files of crap" when he was very nerved sometimes. But Reid was different. He had just finished his first file when Rossi and Blake arrived. "Morning Reid. Feel better today?" Blake asked. "Sure, I'm fine." he answered with a smile. "That's good." Rossi said happily. Morgan and Garcia entered the bullpen 10 minutes after Rossi and Blake. They were not too late but not too early,as usual. "I see you are already working pretty boy! How do you feel?" Morgan asked with a stern tone. "I feel absolutely fine and I'm happy to be at work again.""I hope something like that is never going to happen to you again my junior g-man." Garcia laughed. Reid was just about to answer when JJ arrived from her bureau. "We have a new case, meeting in the conference room in 10." she said sternly. "We are happy that no single serial killer is making a break." Morgan answered sarcastically."New York City recorded 333 cases of murder in 2013. That means there is less than one murder per day. This represents a decline of 20 percent compared to 419 counted cases in 2012. Compared with the 2262 murders of 1990, the bloodiest in the history of the city with the biggest population in the US – that means 8,3 million citizens, this is a reduction to about one seventh. In LA-" "Glad to have you back pretty boy. I missed your statistics." Morgan interrupted him. Reid, obviously embarrassed, immediately stopped talking and his cheeks flushed red. Everybody started laughing. After calming down again they made their way to the bullpen.

"Ok guys, we are going to fly to LA." JJ said. "A firestarter?" Rossi asked a bit wondered. "Yeah in the last 3 weeks he created 8 fires." JJ said sadly. "And why have we been called so late?" Morgan asked slightly angry. "Because the officers couldn't find a pattern between those fires." "Which places did he choose?" Blake asked. "All of the targets were public places, five hotels, two restaurants and yesterday another hotel. Thirty-three people were killed including four children." "He is probably a narcissist who wants attention." Reid mentioned."He can't control himself, the fires are getting more per week." Morgan thought loudly. "He also thinks that we can't catch him, he is not scared of us. That's the reason why he creates each fire exactly 4.43pm." Hotch added. "Probably the time plays an important role to him." Reid said while watching the pictures on the screen. "This is what we are going to find out. The jets starts in twenty minutes." Hotch said firmly and then left the conference room. The other members followed. At the same time Reid dropped his file and all papers spread on the ground. JJ immediately helped him to pick them up." "Are you okay Spence?" she asked nervously."I'm fine. I only dropped my file, nothing to worry about." he said a bit angrily. "I just asked." She gave back."Thank you for helping me JJ." Reid said friendly. "Your welcome Spence." JJ smiled and left the room. Just as he stood up his vision started blurring again. But just for a short time. After standing calmly for some minutes he regained his focus. "That sucks! But it's nothing too serious yet. Just sleeping tonight." Reid instructed himself once more. Finally leaving the room he made his way to the jet.

In the jet they went on with the profile. "The Unsub is most likely 20 to 30 years old and physically fit." Hotch mentioned. "He is probably inconspicuous." Rossi added. "Why?" JJ asked. "Because he was able to create a fire in the daylight without nobodys notice. People would describe him as shy and always in the background. If somebody would talk to him, the Unsub would answer friendly. Nobody would recocnize or remember him." Blake explained. "We have to find out how the Unsub gathered the information about the places where the fire took place. He know the places very well, where the most people were and the best opportunity to create the fire. Also he chose a good place for the fire to start and spread quickly, that there was the most possible damage. Maybe he visited the place multiple times, so we can find him trough the cameras." Morgan assumed. "Or the Unsub was a guest at the hotel. We should check the persons who checked in after the previous fire, because the Unsub traveled from the previous fire place to the other, with a bit luck in a certain pattern. Garcia I want you to check on that. Blake and Rossi I want you to look for evidences in the hotel, maybe the police missed something. JJ and Morgan I want you to concentrate on the witnesses. Ask especially for the hotel and which people were in there. Reid I want you to start the geographic profile. I am sure the Unsub is travelling in a certain pattern. I am coming with you to the police station." Hotch commanded. Everybody but Reid nodded in agreement. He just looked to the ground. He was paler than in the morning. "Reid are you okay?" Morgan asked worried. It took some time for Reid to answer but finally he said "Yeah sure, I was just caught in a thought." "Okay." Morgan answered not very satisfied. He decided to talk to Reid in the hotel tonight.

Reid was not happy with the situation. Being sick – okay. Not good but he could handle it. Fainting in the elevator in front of his team –pure horror! But being sick, fainting in the elevator in front of his team, waking up in the hospital and being sick again is never ending, embarrassing torture to him. Why did something like that always happen to him? Being kidnapped, poisoned, getting shot and losing the love of life was never something he wanted to experience. But he had no influence in it. These things happened anyhow, no matter what he did or did not. Sometimes he thought about the "Reid effect". Maybe it was true that he had a special aura to other people. Maybe he was sending waves to them that he was weak and a perfect victim. And to top all of the depressing thoughts his headaches were getting worse. He knew that the team knew that something was up but he wasn't going to talk to them yet. "Morgan will ask me today if everything is alright." he assumed. Reid decided to tell him the truth this time. Maeve told him to be truly so he will be. The stern voice of his boss interrupted his thought. He said something about geographic profile. Probably it was Reids task to work on it. His best friends voice asked him if he was ok. "Answer Reid come on, that can't be to difficult for you to form words." he commanded himself. "Yeah sure, I was just caught in a thought." These were the only words he was able to tell at the moment. Morgan didn't look very satisfied, but he will tell him everything this evening. The good thing was that Reid wasn't going to be in a huge contact with the others while working on the map. Hopefully he could regain some health to survive today…

TBC

**So guys ready! I hope you enjoyed it! **** Reid is not out oft he woods yet ;P Don't forget to review! **


	5. The change

Chapter – The change

**So here is chapter five! Enjoy and review! *This chapter is different, it is from the Unsubs point of view. Next chapter will be more about the team and especially Morgan and Reid (NO pairing **** ) ***

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, its storylines or its characters. **

"We all live in a house on fire, no fire department to call; no way out, just the upstairs window to look out of while the fire burns the house down with us trapped, locked in it."

― Tennessee Williams, The Milk Train Doesn't Stop Here Anymore

_He really really hated his life. But it hadn't been like this since his birth. He enjoyed his childhood like every other child. He had many friends like other children, was playing a lot like other children and he loved the kindergarden he was in like other children. When he grew up nothing had changed. He looked forward to go to school like any other child, he still had friends like any other child and he met with friends in the afternoon like any other child. His puberty was not as hard for his family as for other families and their children at all. He didn't change a lot during this time. He still had liked the same music, the same clothes the same people. He loved his family. His parents always supported him, no matter what went wrong and he loved his little sister Rose. She was so cute with her blonde hair and her funny questions she used to ask. Like every seven year old curious girl. She adored horses and butterflies. He remembered how lucky she has been after he had given her a special present: a necklace with a blue butterfly. She wore it everyday and –night. He also enjoyed the vacation every summer in LA. They went to different hotels to relax and visit the studios, because his mom loved movies. She had been an actress for four years in LA so she wanted to remember her time. After that they always went straight to the playground to make Rose happy. Her hair always blowed in the wind while she was swinging. Smiling and laughing of course. That made his parents laugh as well. Although the focus laid on his little sister sometimes, he was so unbelievable happy with his life. To other people his family seemed perfect like a family in a good lovestory film. A wonderful father who was a successfull attorney, a lovely (but a bit crazy) mother with a never stopping smile on her lips and their little Rose; beautiful and curious like no one else. But he never mind. He lived in his perfect world until God has decided to change his life forever._

_They were on vacation in LA like every summer in a family hotel that Rose enjoyed staying in. It was in the late afternoon. He decided to surprise his mother because she had her 40th birthday. (She assured that she was just 28). He went outside nearby to buy a cake while the others would prepare their hotel room with ballons and flowers. (candles were not allowed). His mother was at her Yoga course and would be back at 5.00pm. At the bakery he chose the biggest cake he could find- he wanted to give his best to his mom. With a big brown chocolate cake he left the bakery. He knew that everyone of his family loved chocolate so he couldn't do anything wrong. He quickly glanced at his clock – it said 4.43pm. The time he will never forget. Leaving the bakery he smelled something- smoke maybe? And people were screaming. He started to run faster. Then he saw it. The hotel they were in was burning. The first three floors were extremely damaged. Smoke was seeping out of the windows. The upper floors were undamaged but the emergency exits were all blocked. So there was no escape. Sirens were making loud noises and the firefighters were doing their best to safe at least a few people. Some other tried to get into the upper floors but unsuccessfully. The smoke blocked their view and the fire was too much. He dropped the cake and started shouting for his family "MOM! DAD! ROSIE! WHERE ARE YOU?" he was getting very hysterical. He ran as fast as his legs could carry him to the survivors. But they weren't there. And nowhere else. He started crying, hot tears streaming down his face. He tried shouting again: "MOM! DAD! ROSIE! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?" No answer. Maybe they left the hotel to go to the playground to make Rose laugh. He knew that didn't make any sense at all. So he ran to the burning hotel with hope to safe his beloved family. He was stopped by a firefighter. "Sir please, stay back. It is too dangerous for you to stay here."I AM NOT GOING TO WAIT HERE WHILE MY FAMILY IS DYING IN THERE! I NEED TO SAFE THEM! THEY ARE EVERYTHING I HAVE!" he shouted back. "Sir I am so sorry but it is too late. The fire spread to fast. We weren't able to safe everyone. I am so sorry for you." The firefighter said sadly. After hearing those words his knees buckled and he fell to the ground. A paramedic came to him:"Sir is everything okay? Are you hurt?" he asked worried. "It depends on the meaning of „hurt". Physically I am fine but the rest of me died. How can everything can be fine, when I lost the most beloved people in my life forever? My family left me alone and I have to life with the knowledge that they'll never come back anymore. I am left alone and have to live with my loss for the rest of my life. A life with no purpose anymore. So I ask you: Is everything ok?" he cried back angrily and sadly. The paramedic couldn't find an answer._

_After that he started hating his life. It turned out that the fire started because of a defect gas pipe. He was brought to his grandma to live there until he was able to live on his own. He knew it was not her grandmas fault but he blamed her without any sensefull particular reason. From the outside it looked like he was getting over the accident but from the inside it was completely different. He lost all of his friends because he changed. In the first couple of weeks his teachers tried to comfort and support him in school. But they didn't know how. So they ended up giving up hope of helping him and they let it go. He never spoke during his lessons anymore. But his marks did not change. His father always had told him to be good and perform his best in school, that he would have better chances to study at a university or to apply for a job (his father had prefered studying of course). So his society life died with the fire as well. He also got his drivers license without any problems and the completion was a success, although his grandmother was the only person that would be there for him. He remembered his mother how she had dreamed of him during completion. Now she couldn't experience it anymore. Like his father. Like his sister, died in the age of seven! Her life had just began! She would never experience riding a horse and her first boyfriend. His grandma died when he was 19. Two weeks after his completion. So he took care of himself. He made the decision to study medecine. That would have made his father happy. And he wanted him to be happy. Although everything seemed fine he will never be the same again but something never changed: the wish for revenge. _

_So now he was sitting in a cafeteria, thinking about the meaning of that little word with so much emotion and feelings to him. He had vacation for a couple of weeks, then the next semester would began. So he did something that every medecine student was going to do during a break of learning: commit revenge. Meanwhile he created a fire for eight times. The families who lost one of their member should suffer as much as he had to suffer. The feeling of an immense loss which is never ending. He had the feeling that he did the right thing with the fire. It was his way to apologize and seek revenge. The attention from the media meant nothing to him at all. They had given him the name „the hotelier". That was bullshit. He had a normal name and he was a normal person - just with another way to deal with pressure and anger. Apparently the media wasn't able to think cleary or had no more work to do than coming up with stupid names for him. The police was as stupid as the media. Obviously the targets of his revenge were public places and he choose them not coincidentally! The police was so desperate that they called the goddamned FBI! Even though they are silly. They won't find him anyway. He was too smart. They think they are better than him? No way! He was going to show them how smart he was! Creating a fire in front of their eyes would be perfect. He had to find out in which hotel they checked in and then they'll see what will happen when they challenge him! _

**That's it! Ready! This chapter was much different than the others, because it was from the Unsubs point of view. I hope you understood and enjoyed it! **** Reviews for this story would be great and I look forward to hearing from you all! **


	6. Friendship

Chapter 6 - friendship

**Here you have chapter 6! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds its storylines or characters.**

"**Tell the truth, or someone will tell it for you." **

― **Stephanie Klein, Straight Up and Dirty: A Memoir**

It had been a very hard day for Doctor Spencer Reid. He felt even worse than in the morning. Luckily he had had the task to do a geographic profile and although his concentration vanished step by step he was able to narrow te Unsubs pattern.

Rossi and Blake had inspected the hotel where the last fire took place. They had figured out that the hotel had five floors. The last three floors consisted rooms only for families. In this area the fire was worse, apparently the fire started there. They assumed that the Unsub was especially attacking families with children. Probably he had a bad accident with fire where he lost his family. Now he wanted the families to feel the same.

Morgan and JJ had talked to a family who had been in the near when the fire started. In the end they hadn't found out a lot. It was a family hotel and the main season were the most people had vacation.

Now they were all together in the bullpen to gather their information. While the others talked about the profile Reid worked on the map. "Hotch I got it!" he shouted excitedly. "What do you have?" Hotch questioned. "Well you know the Unsub is traveling in a certain pattern, I narrowed it down to the "University of California" because all hotels were in a 10 miles radius from that building. It fits perfectly, because in the moment there are summer breaks so an ideal opportunity and we think that the Unsub is a student!" "Good work Reid. Garcia?" Hotch asked while pressing on the button to call her. "I know what you think and I am already working. There are 10 potenzial Unsubs. Give me more." "Can you look for accidents with fire in the past baby girl?" "I only have to break some laws, she chuckled, there is a student named Shane Brandon. He lost his family in a fire accident three years ago." "That is a reason." Blake suggested. "Oh no. His grandmother died a month ago. Poor guy." Garcia said sadly. "That is the stressor! The fire started at this time." JJ added." "Good work Garcia." "Bye guys." "Are we going to his apartment now? Rossi wondered. "No it is too late. We are going to do this tomorrow. It's time to drive to the hotel and get some sleep." Hotch explained. "OK". Everybody took their belongings and headed to the cars.

"You okay pretty boy?" Morgan asked worried. "Yeah sure I am just tired." Reid almost whispered. "You sure? You look like death warmed over." Morgan gave back. "I'll tell you at the hotel. Seriously." Reid answered. To be honest he fought with the urge to throw up. The dizziness did not vanish as well. What the hell is up with him? This can't be a cold or a flu. He watched the landscape moving in many different colours and forms. Furthermore he placed his throbbing head against the window to cool it a bit. It did not help much but it was better than nothing. This sucks. A lot. Maybe he should read a book about health. Than he would know what was bothering him. To add a point on his list of problems he told his best friend that he would tell him the truth. Great. He didn't know at all what to say and how to start. This will end embarrassing for him. Probably Morgan will be angry because it took him so long again to say something. The team would be mad on him as well. Would it be better to lie again that he wouldn't be angry? But Reid was sure that Morgan would notice it and then the conflict would be much bigger. So telling the truth was the only option for him. Why was it always so damn difficult for him to talk to someone?

"Are you coming?" Morgan questioned. Reid was so deep in his thought that he didn't notice that they arrived at the hotel. He quickly made it out of the car. Too quickly. Dizziness came over him and he barely found hold. Luckily Morgan was there to support him. "Whoa easy there pretty boy. I'll help." he said worried. "Thanks." Reid whispered. They waited two more minutes 'til Reid was able to walk on his own. Afterwards they made their way to their room. Thank God they could use an elevator because their room was in the fourth floor. The room was small, but there was enough space for them. Two beds were in the middle of the room and in the corner was a cupboard for their clothes. Next to Reids bed was the bathroom. After having laid down their belongings Morgan and Reid sat together on the bed.

"So pretty boy, tell me what's bothering you." Morgan started. "Hm, well, I- I don't know how to start." Reid mumbled. "Let's begin with the time after leaving the hospital." Morgan said sympathically. "Alright. Um, well after leaving the hospital I felt a bit dizzy and my headaches were present again. I decided that, um, it is the changeover from my everyday-life you know. On the previous day I slept and the next day I rushed to work, maybe it was too much to handle. Luckily my task was the geographic profile, so I was allowed to be alone and work in my own speed without facing you guys. But the dizziness did not disappear and somestimes I had problems with standing you know." Reid told Morgan slighty embarrassed. "And why didn't you tell us?" Morgan wondered. "I thought that maybe you guys were mad with me again, because I didn't tell you the truth previously and that ended up with fainting in the elevator. I thought as well that I could tell you I feel sick and than there is nothing wrong with me. I wanted to wait until it gets worse – to worse to handle." Reid cried. "Reid listen, we are not mad with you at all. We were just worried about you because of the fainting. Furthermore you know that you can tell me anything. I'll be there to listen to you. I am your best freind. The team is supporting you. We are a family. You can't face all problems by yourself, nobody can." Morgan said calmly. "Yeah I know, but it is so difficult for me." Reid muttered quietly. He felt a bit embarrassed. "I understand, but the more you talk to me the easier it will be for you." "Thanks Morgan. Hopefully I'll come up earlier with my problems. So what should I do now?" Reid questioned a bit anxious."Probably it would be the best for you to go to a doctor again. Obviously something is wrong with you and we have to figure out what." Morgan said worried. "But can I go with you to the doctor after work? I know the case is almost solved and I don't want the others to know. When the doc figured out what is wrong with me I'll tell them. But not earlier, please." Reid pleaded. "Ok pretty boy, but whenever you feel worse we'll go straightly to the doctor. Understood?" Morgan instructed. "Yeah sure. And Morgan?" Reid asked like and innocent child. "Yeah pretty boy?" "Thank you so much." Reid smiled embarrassed. "Anytime Reid, anytime." Morgan smiled back.

**So I'll end up here! Do you like it? Next chapter will be more drama, I promise. I have something bad in my mind (MUHAHAHA *cough, cough*) Don't forget to review! **


	7. Danger

Chapter 7 – danger

**I am ready with chapter 7! Thanks for the reviews – I hope this chapter is better than the others and easier to read. ENJOY! **

Sleeping wasn't very easy for Reid. Nightmares were following him. Firstly he dreamed that he was again with Tobias Hankle who was forcing him to take Dilaudid again. He disobeyed and tried to struggle as much as he could but suddenly his whole team was there to tell him he should take the drugs. Why did they want him to take the drugs? They were his friends they should support him. He has fought a drug addiction once he couldn't do that twice. That would be impossible. They tied him up and watched as Tobias pressed the thin needle into Reid skin. Then everybody started laughing. They told him he was weak, his vision blurred and he was suddenly in a hotel. It was a huge one. It was the hotel where Morgan and Reid were sharing a room together. His feed began walking without his permission –right into the lobby - then into the elevator and finally into his room in the fourth floor. A grey fog was coming from under his door. Breathing was getting harder and harder. His surroundings started spinning and Reid lost consciousness.

Someone was shaking his shoulders. As his eyelids found a way to open themselves he looked straight into the eyes of his concerned but yet worried best friend Morgan. "You okay man?" he questioned while taking a seat next to Reids thin legs. "You look awful."

"I'm fine." Reid answered shortly.

Morgan inspected him with raised eyebrows. Obviously he didn't believe him. "Reid we had the discussion just a few hours ago, please be honest." he commaned.

"Alright. I had a nightmare about Tobias Hankle again. But it's nothing serious really. I had this dream very often, I can handle it." Reid said with selfconfidence.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Morgan asked sympathically.

"No but thank you Morgan." Reid gave back.

"Sure. How do you feel?"

"Better, honestly. My headaches were almost gone but the dizziness is always there. I don't feel sick anymore." Reid said proudly.

"Great to hear. You should get up and take a shower. It's almost 8 o'clock."

At this moment Reid looked at himself. Yes he looked awful. His eyerings were darker than usual and he had sweat covering his face. He rushed to the shower. The hot water was amazing. Usually he took cold water to feel refreshed and awaken but today hot water seemed nicer than the cold one.

"Pretty boy I am going to the bakery to get some coffee. I'll be back in 15!" Morgan shouted from the outside.

"Thanks Morgan!" Reid shouted back. Now he was alone and had some privacy. He heard footsteps getting quieter and the door closed. After having brushed his teeth and hair Reid left the bathroom to get himself dressed. He thought about the second nightmare in the hotel. He didn't want to tell Morgan the truth about him being alone and killed by fire. He would tell him after this case. Morgan had other problems than listen to every single problem. He would tell him, just later.

Reid sat on his bed for 5 more minutes until Morgan came back. "Here you have. sugar with coffee." Morgan chuckled.

"Thank you Morgan." Reid grapped his coat, gun and badge and together they headed out to the cars. The weather was a bit colder than yesterday. Finally they arrived at the police department. Reids coffee was already empty.

"You are really addicted to that stuff." Morgan imputed Reid.

"Did you know that- " Reid began.

"No I am sure I don't know but I don't want to listen to your statistics now in the morning pretty boy, sorry." Morgan cut him off.

"Ok." Reid answered a bit disappointed.

The team was already waiting for them. "Good morning guys." they greeted them. "Come on let's go to Shane Brandons apartment before he leaves." Said sternly. All together (but Garcia and JJ who has to work with the media) headed to the SUVs and drove to the apartment.

"Ok, he lives in the third floor. Morgan I want you to safe the emergency exits. Blake you take the elevators. Rossi I want you to look on the roof, maybe he is hiding there. Reid you come with me to the apartment. The squad team will take the stairs and assist all of you." Hotch instructed.

Everybody started moving into his direction after having put on his Kevlar vest and his microphone in his ear. While moving quietly to the frontdoors of the apartment Reid heard his teammates shouting "Clear!" trough their phones. Either Shane has gone or he was in his apartment.

"Shane Brandon? FBI. Open the door!" Hotch shouted to the door. No answer. Hotch gave a sign to one member of the squad team to kick in the door. Reid always wondered how they were doing this. He couldn't do that. The door bursted open and Hotch entered immediately, gun pointed in front of him. He showed Reid with his hand that he has to take the right side of the apartment while Hotch would take the left side. Reids first room to enter was the kitchen. Luckily nobody was there. He was always surprised and excited when they were searching a house. The mix of thrill and the fear about what will happen next has always been exciting for him. Next to the kitchen was the bathroom. Empty as well. Reid remembered once when he surprised a potenzial Unsub in the bathroom. With only a towel around his waist. He was so shocked that he dropped the towel and stood naked in front of Reid. He will never forget this picture. They stood there for two more minutes (Reid shocked, the Unsub embarrassed) until Morgan came in and started laughing. The Unsub covered himself quickly before Reid came with handcuffs. Morgan was still making jokes about it.

The last door was at the end of the floor. That was always the scariest thing for him because of his nightmare long time ago. (A children went missing and he was reminded of his father killing a child***). He opened the door slowly and looked around. For Gods Sake it was empty as well. He shouted "Clear:" into his phone and began inspecting the room he was in. All around the walls were hundreds of pictures; pictures of-. "No, that can't be true!" he thought incredulous.

"Guys I have something you need to see." he said surprising calmly into his phone once more. Two minutes later the whole team collected themselves in the room.

"Now we've got the evidence that he is the Unsub." Rossi started.

"Yes of course. Unbelievable! When did he take those pictures? I didn't even notice it, you?" Blake questioned worried.

"No one noticed it. Let's go to the police department and gather our information there. I will let someone observe this building until the Unsub comes back." Hotch said sternly while leaving the room. The others followed. One last time Reid looked at the pictures- the pictures of the burning hotels and the photos from him and the whole team.

Back at the department they met JJ and Garcia. "So obviously the damn bastard is haunting us! What are we going to do?" Morgan almost shouted furiously.

"We should work on the profile. JJ I want you to give a press conference once more. Show the media a picture of him and warn them. Garcia look for more background information. Maybe there is a place where he can hide. The rest of us will stay here." Hotch answered.

"Oh shit!" Reid suddenly cursed.

"What's up?" Blake asked curiously. She has never heard Reid curse like this.

"I forgot my phone at the hotel! Hotch can I drive to the hotel to get it? I'll be back in 20 minutes." Reid nearly pleaded.

"Yeah sure." Hotch said shortly.

"Thank you. Bye." Reid said while making his way to the front doors of the building. He looked at his watch. It was 4.30 pm.

While driving he felt the (so beloved) dizziness come back. His headaches were greeting him as well. Luckily the ride was short and before something could go wrong he was already at the hotel entrance. He took the elevator to relax a bit. Finally in his room he saw his phone immediately. He took it fast. He wanted to make his way out of the room again but his body had another opinion. His dizziness was too much to handle for him and his headaches – God- it hurt so much. He couldn't find hold so he fell to the hard ground. He didn't know how long he laid there but suddenly something in his surroundings changed. He heard the door was being locked by someone. He smelt something. Something he didn't like. Smoke! Shit! He wanted to stand up but his body disobeyed. He was lying there and surely will be dead in a couple of minutes.

"Think Reid, think! What to do?! The phone! Call someone!" Reid thought hysterically. He was so exited that his hands started shivering and he almost dropped the phone. Luckily he managed to prevent it. He dialed the first number he could find. He had to be fast, his vision started blurring again.

"Reid? What's up?" Morgan asked.

Reid wanted to explain what has happened but his mind stroke. He knew he had less time and he would lost consciousness soon. He managed only to whisper three words: "Hotel – fire- help." He didn't hear anything after that. Everything went black. His nightmare has come true…

***** Criminal Minds season 4 episode 6**

**Ready! Sorry for any mistakes. I hope you enjoyed it and please review. **


	8. Hope

Chapter eight – Hope

**Hello everyone! I'm back again with my chapter eight! Enjoy reading and please review! **

"Hope can be a powerful force. Maybe there's no actual magic in it, but when you know what you hope for most and hold it like a light within you, you can make things happen, almost like magic."

― Laini Taylor, Daughter of Smoke & Bone

_He was almost ready. He thought it would be hard for him to attack one of the members of the BAU but God made him a present. Apparently one of them, the youngest had forgotten his cell phone in his room. That would be the perfect opportunity. He felt a bit Sorry for him, he seemed to look deathly pale (obviously he was sick) and now his life would end in fire. But on the other hand he would destroy all the pain the little boy was suffering. He thought about the best way to surprise him and lock him in the room but that problem solved itself. He watched the man falling to the ground. His body was sending signs as well! The body of that FBI – man wanted to finish as well! He locked the door. A quick glance on his clock told him that it was time for him to start. He walked to the end of the door. There his fingers started working on their own. They already know what to do and the fire spread quickly. So one more thing was unfinished. He looked at the gun he has brought with him. Such a little thing could cause so much trouble for the human life… He sat down on the floor. One last time he thought about his family. He would see them soon. He held his gun at his temple. The time had come. He pulled the trigger and his world turned black…_

Morgan was worried about Reid. Although he had told him he felt better Morgan didn't really believe it. Furthermore Morgan was very angry with the situation now. How can a foreign person dare to haunt him? When they have caught the Unsub he was going to show him what it feels like when an FBI agent was mad at him. His anger disappeared when Reid called him once more this day. He had left only fifteen minutes ago so what was the reason he was calling?

"Reid?" Morgan asked curiously.

There weren't many words escaping from Reids mouth. Morgan barely understood and that worried him the most. His alarm bells rang. What was happening? Is he in danger? These thoughts crossed his mind in a second while waiting for Reids answer. Morgan heard Reid breathing heavily, like he was in a great efford.

"Hotel-fire-help…" Morgan heard Reid whisper.

These three little words were enough for him to notice, that Reid was in danger indeed. Why the hell did something like that always happen to him? He seemed to be a trouble magnet for those things. He reacted in a matter of seconds. He rushed out of the building. While opening the doors of his car he tried to continue desperately his talk with his best friend. But he wasn't very talkactive. The only one talking was Morgan himself.

"Reid, are you with me? C'mon, talk to me pretty boy. Don't you dare giving up on me now! Tell me something! Something about ähm, about- about statistics! I know you want to! I can't remember the number of inhabitants of Boston! So tell me please! I am eager to know! Please say something, it doesn't matter what exactly!" Morgan shouted scared like never before. But Reid has gone silent. For a couple of minutes now.

Morgan arrived at the hotel. He saw it. Flames and smoke were coming out of some open windows in the upper floors. Luckily the other floors were undamaged. He managed to escape from the firefighters who had problems to control the other people. They all wanted to help and safe their family. Even though Morgan had a bit call-empathy for them Reid was the only thing which was important at the moment. He would never forgive himself, when Reid died in this fire. He was still so young and innocent. Morgan ran into the building which was on its way to be a ruine soon…

An overwhelming heat welcomed him. He felt sweat coming from his forehead immediately. His body tried to cool him down, at least better than nothing. The smoke was the most disturbing thing. He could barely see where he was. But he didn't needed a perfect view now, he remembered the architecture of the hotel very well. A good habit from him. He would always now where he was, with his eyes or not. He reached the stairs. Taking the elevator would have been suicide. He had to be very cautious, because some of the stairs were destroyed by fire. He did it to the fourth floor. Good. His lungs didn't share his opinion. They weren't happy at all to be right here right now. Apparently it was too much to suffer for them, Morgan started coughing. He new he had to get out quickly otherwise he wouldn't survive, not to mention the protection of his best friend.

He wanted to open the door of their room quickly but it was blocked! Someone locked it! "This bastard. I'll kill him!" Morgan thought angrily. He took all of his strength to throw himself against the door. One more time. The third time the door gave up. It bursted open. The picture he saw now was horrible. Reid laid on the floor, obviously he had lost consciousness. Morgan was no second too late. Immediately he rushed to his best friend. He started shaking Reids shoulders slightly No answer. Time was running! He decided to carry his best friend out of that damn building, if it was the last thing he would do! Luckily Reid was easy to carry. There was no great weight that would suffer Morgan. If they would make it out of here, he would insist that Reid eats enough. A smile formed on his lips as he thought about Garcia and how she would help him feeding Reid daily with her famous cupcakes. But step by step. First of all they had to get out of here before burning in fire.

Morgan managed to carry Reid out of the burning room. The floor was now full of smoke and he wondered how the fire was able to spread that fast. He noticed something else- no someone. He was standing ten inches away. No wrong, he was sitting ten inches aways. Morgan ran to him.

"Hey Sir. Can you hear me? We have to get out of here now! Are you hurt? Can you move?" Morgan shouted exhausted.

That was when he noticed why the man didn't bother to answer him. His had a bullet whole in his head and blood had spattered on the wall and on the ground. He had a gun in his hand. Suicide of course. Why would someone kill himself now? Only if- Morgan knew the answer. He would never have the chance to punish that guy. He had already decided to finish his life by himself. Morgan noticed a loud crack coming from the ceiling. He had to hurry! He ran to the stairs. Running was the only thing he could think about. "Run Morgan, just run!" he kept telling himself. He made it to the first floor when he felt his strength loosing its power. He couldn't give up now. He could feel the exit coming closer and closer! And yes indeed, some minutes later he saw the welcoming doors. He wondered that both of them had managed to escape without any problems. That's a miracle!

Hotch looked very exhausted and scared. He was very shocked when Morgan answered the phone and he had seen the change of the expression. From curious to angry to shocked to scared. He figured that something bad had happended to Reid again. He noticed as well that Morgan ran out of the department without any hestitation. Hotch tried to call Morgan but without sucess. So he and his other teammates followed him to the hotel. After having parked his SUV he watched Morgan ran into the burning hotel. He was always so impulsive! And now he was waiting for two of his agents to come out again, yes he prayed to God that they would come out as healthy as possible in this situation. He waited for fifteen minutes until he saw one figure carrying another that was coming out of the hotel. He sighed and ran to them immediately. He made half of the way and than he watched Morgan passed out at the front doors, forcing him and Reid to fall on the cold and hard ground. Are they really ok?

**So ready. Please review. I look forward to hear from you. See ya soon! **


	9. dead

Chapter 9 – dead?

**So I am ready with chapter nine! Enjoy and please review! **

"It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things."

― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish

Reid felt exhausted, really really exhausted. And sluggish. He didn't know, what has happened after the fire and the smoke. That was worriying him, he just couldn't remember that he weren't able to remember something. He always knew what was going on, but now it was like being in a whole without any exits. Everything was black he couldn't feel his body. That was the most weird feeling he ever had. He didn't know as well, that he was in a ambulance and paramedics were desperately trying to regain his pulse.

"C'mon Reid, stay with us!" JJ pleaded, she was the one, who had been allowed to drive with him in the ambulance. That Reid was fighting for his life again was nothing she wanted to experience, but her best friends body had another opinion. He was "dead" for two minutes now. The paramedic wanted to stop his tries and give up now. In his opinion it was too late, Reid was dead.

"Hey hey Sir! What are you doing?! Don't you dare giving up on him! He is my best friend, the godfather of my son! What shall I tell my five year old son? That his godfather has died, because paramedics had given up on him after two minutes?!" JJ shouted angrily. She never had been so angry, but she couldn't stand the pressure anymore. Tears were streaming down her face. All the time she had hold his ice cold hand, but it stayed were it was- without any motion, life has left it…

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At the same time Morgan and Hotch were in another ambulance. They didn't know that their beloved family member was fighting for his life –again- while they were arguing.

"Hotch, let me go! I' m feeling totally fine." Morgan almost shouted, but he regained his good behaviour, that it sounded more like a loud sentence, not a shout.

"Morgan, I'll tell you once more! You ran into that damn burning building without my permission and thank God you and Reid survived. Although you disobeyed my order you safed a friend, I am grateful for that. On the other hand you ran into a dangerous damaged building with a deadly fire and smoke." Hotch said sternly. His eyes were happy that both of his agents survived but his body language showed pure anger about the fact, that one agent had risked his life, even though he was the boss of the team! It was his job to safe them!

"Hotch, I am Sorry that I have disobeyed your order, but Reids life was more important for me in this time than waiting for instructions. I am glad we made it out of there without any further injuries and-" Morgan started but Hotch interrupted him. His anger had rised.

"Agent Morgan your are going to listen now. Things that happened had happened and we are not able to change anything from the past. I am not mad at you but the only thing that is making me furious, is your stubbornness! You barely survived, you carried an agent out of a burnung building and you passed out right in front of that! That is now ten minutes ago. Do you really think I'll let you go without any treatment or a look by a doctor? Forget it, you will sit here until the doctor says you are allowed to go, no earlier! Understood?"

Morgan had to accept, that he had lost that fight and gave a quick nod. He was still a bit angry and wanted to be there for his brother, but he didn't wanted to risk his job, because his mind was a bit stubborn sometimes. That couldn't take very long to have a check on him. While the doc started to work and ask questions Morgans thoughts wandered to Reid. He had a very bad feeling and he hoped that the hospital could help him to find out, why his best friend, his brother, had lost consciousness.

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Rossi drove back to the hotel, but before he wanted to have a quick stop at the police department. Morgan had told him, that the Unsub had killed himself with a gun.

"That is a sad ending of this story." Rossi thought while opening the doors of the department. This boy had been still so young, but now he was not more than a burned, black corpse with a whole at his temple. Why the hell did people think that suicide is the best solution to solve problems? Although the past had been bad the future was supposed to be better, now Rossi will never know if the Unsub would have made a recovery from his bad destroyed mind or not. Sometimes his job was very hard.

He was ready with his work fast so there was one more thing to do, the most difficult task: telling Garcia about what has happened and dealing with her anger. Rossi understood it completely, that she was angry. The entire team but her left the department to rush to Reid to safe him and no one thought about contacting her, it had been too much exitement.

He knocked at her room. Only two seconds after knocking she stormed out of the room and started shouting:

"Hello Rossi, nice to hear from you again! Do you know about what I have gone through?! All of you vanished and I don't know what has happened, I was left alone and nobody dared to answer me! Am I the black sheep or what?! I am so angry and- " she stopped immediately when she saw the look on Rossis face. He looked very sad.

"Wha-, what has happened Rossi? Tell me! Did anything happen to my babies?" she started asking, tears were streaming down her face and she started shivering.

"Garcia, calm down please. Nothing serious has happened. Morgan got a call from Reid and we rushed to the hotel to safe him. Morgan ran into the burning hotel and safed Reid from the fire. Both of them were now at the hospital but it seems to me, that Morgan is fine. Reid was unconscious the entire time and the last time I saw him was right before they drove to the hospital in the ambulance. He is with the paramedics now and I assure you, they will find what is wrong with him." Rossi summarized.

"Oh my God! My poor babies! Rossi, let's drive to the hospital immediately!" Garcia instructed while beginning to ran to the frontdoors. Rossi followed. They didn't know at this time, what was expecting them in the hospital…

TBC

**Ready! This was chapter nine and I want you to choose: Is Reid going to survive or not? You can write your choice into the reviews (and of course I look forward to read reviews with praises and critic) See ya! **


	10. The end

Chapter ten

**This is the last chapter of my story! I want to thank you all for the reviews you wrote! You supported me very much and I am grateful for that. Sorry for the delay, but school is very exhausting at the moment… **

**ENJOY!**

"**Do not protect yourself by a fence, but rather by your friends."**

**Czech Proverb**

Garcia and Rossi arrived at the hospital fifteen minutes later. They rushed to the waiting area which was to their right. Hotch, Morgan and JJ were already awaiting them. Garcia looked at JJ. She looked so sad, it was like someone has been murdered. Perhaps Reid? No, that can't be true. Garcia ran to her and embraced her heavily. Now JJ started crying again.

"What's up, JJ? Did something happen to my baby?" she asked shocked. That would be the worst thing, that could ever happen!

"No, no Garcia. I drove with him in the ambulance, you know, and they lost him twice! I can't hold it anymore! I don't allow Reid to die now!" JJ cried frustrated.

"Oh my God, that's horrible! Where is he now?" Garcia questioned with wide opened eyes.

"He is in surgery now. I assure you, he will hold on. He'll made it off that table." Hotch said hopefully. His team haven't seen him in this way before. His stern expression has gone. In a strange way he seemed to be a bit touchy! They always thought that this would never happen, Hotch used to be strong and sternly! But this situation wasn't normal. It was a situation they never wanted to achieve.

Two more hours passed by until a doctor entered the waiting area. Everyones head turned in his direction. They all tried to read the face of the doctor, if there were good or bad news waiting for them. The doctors expression stayed the way it was, so it was impossible to interprete something. He was a professional.

"Dr. Spencer Reid?" he questioned.

"Yes, I am his brother. You can tell everyone about Reids shape." Hotch answered quickly. In case of emergency he was Reids brother, because the hospital had strict rules. Only family members were allowed to know about the wellbeing of the patient.

"Is he ok, doc?" JJ asked sadly. The situation was really too much for her.

"Dr. Spencer Reid was brought in here in an unconscious state. We took him to surgery immediately. He suffered a slight smoke inhalation, but nothing serious, and a concussion, which isn't serious, as well. What worried me the most were his previous injuries. In his files stood, that he was brought to a hospital one week ago after fainting in an elevator. It turned out that he had a migraine, because of headaches and nausea. I have to tell you that this diagnosis was wrong, he haven't had a migraine. Apparently he felt worse after leaving the hospital. In surgery we found the source of the evil: one of his kidneys was inflamed. I am sorry but we had to remove it to save his life, so he has to live with only one kidney."

"Is he able to live a normal life? Morgan interrupted him. He looked very worried.

"What was the reason of the inflammation?" Rossi added.

"Well, the reason for the inflammation is simply stress. He should avoid stress for the next couple of weeks and yes he is able to live a normal life. Much water is very important now, I think 1.5 to 2 liters a day is the best. In case of sickness he should contact a doctor, even though it is a normal cold. This way, we can prevent something serious." the doctor finished.

"Thanks doctor. Can we see him now?" Garcia asked shyly.

"Yes of course, but only for half an hour, he is very weak" the doctor instructed.

"When is he allowed to leave the hospital?" Hotch asked.

"I think tomorrow he can leave. But he has to be cautious and do things calmly. I am sorry, I have to go now." The doctor answered and rushed out of the waiting area.

"He is going to be healthy!" Garcia cried happily. Everyone in the room was relieved. The case was finished and Reid was fine (as much as possible).

"C'mon guys. Let's talk to our genius." Morgan laughed and left the room.

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Reid woke up very slowly. It took him some time to open his eyelids. He room was very bright and it smelled sterile. He had a déja-vu! Only one week ago, he had the same surroundings. While reaching for a glass of water the door opened and the team came in.

"Good morning pretty boy! Nice to see you awaken." Morgan smiled.

"You scared us to hell!" JJ scolded.

"I'm really sorry guys. I didn't want to make you feel worried or upset." Reid began but Hotch interrupted him.

"Reid stop it. The most important thing is, that you are healthy and get fit again. Next time you should tell us honestly how you feel."

"Yes, Sir." Reid muttered.

After this was cleared, everyone took a seat and they started talking about the case and all the other things Reid had missed. He was very shocked and embarrassed about the fact that Morgan had carried him out oft he burning building! After thanking Morgan multiple times, Reid felt very tired again.

Rossi noticed that. I think we should leave now, half an hour is almost over. We can visit him tomorrow evening at his home." he suggested.

"That would be great." Reid pleased.

"Ok, let's say tomorrow at half past seven at his apartment." Morgan nodded.

"I'll bring some food and drinks." Rossi started.

"I'll bake some cupcakes." Garcia added merrily.

"That's great. Is that okay Spence?" JJ asked.

Reid didn't answer. He has fallen asleep. Everyone smiled at this picture. Everything was going to be fine.

**Ready! Maybe a bit short and sorry again, that it took me so long to update. Thanks for reading and your support! I would be happy about reviews just one last time ;)! **


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